Thursday, August 5, 2010

Hello from the great beyond!

I started writing my book at the artist colony Yaddo []. When I arrived I felt very young and out of place, as though, at any moment, I’d mispronounce something and out myself as a non-literary genius unworthy of the slot. My fears were confirmed the first night at dinner. I turned to the writer sitting next to me and politely asked, “Where in New York City do you live at?”
To which he replied, “In a sentence that doesn’t end with a preposition.”
I left the dining room with my tail between my legs. He later explained that he was trying to set me up for a joke and that I was supposed to have come back with, “Where in New York City do you live at, asshole?”
We obviously weren’t reading from the same script because instead of this sassy line all I saw were the stage directions: Stand up. Clear your plate. Get the hell out of there before you say anything else stupid, asshole.
As luck would have it, writer Andrew Sean Greer arrived my third day at Yaddo. While Andrew’s books [Story of a Marriage, Confessions of Max Tivoli] reflect a more serious thinker, the Andy I know and love is into throwing mash-up dance parties, exploring hidden rooms in the Yaddo mansion, and hiding 5lb. dumbbells in my lunch box. We became fast friends.
One day, several weeks into my residency, one of the poets (a huge fan of Sylvia Plath) told Andy and me that the room Sylvia Plath had once occupied (where she’d completed her first volume of poetry [Colossus]) was going to be vacant for a night. We decided to hold a Sylvia Plath séance.
At midnight, holding copies of [Ariel], ceremonious candles and a ouija board,
seven artists snuck into Sylvia’s old room.
“We invite the spirit of Sylvia Plath to join us. Is there a spirit with us now?”
The indicator on the ouija board moved to YES. As a Mormon I was taught not to meddle with things like ouija boards, the game “light as a feather” or chanting Bloody Mary in a bathroom mirror. And so instead of participating I’d offered to be the group scribe.
“Identify yourself,” a poet asked.
“S,Y,L,V,I,A, P,L,A,T,H,” I wrote each letter down.
“Sylvia, tell us about your process?” one of the poets began.
“Is confessional poetry dead?” another poet piped in.
Perhaps it was the fact that six people were holding the indicator, or perhaps the last thing a dead person wants to talk about is their work, either way the indicator went from letter to letter without ever spelling anything discernable. Until all of a sudden, it stopped completely and then started again with newfound vigor.
“E,L,N,A, E,L,N,A, E,L,N,A,” the indicator moved quickly from letter to letter.
“Guys, this isn’t funny.”
“We’re not doing it.”
“Then why is she spelling my name?”
“Do you have a question for Elna?”
“What is it?” I asked Sylvia.
The indicator spun in three full circles and then stopped for good. The poet’s tried calling Sylvia back, but it was pointless, she was already gone.

Half an hour later, walking back to the mansion with Andy, I forgot all about my piety.
“Let’s get the ouija board from the parlor, go back, and find out Sylvia’s question.”
“This sounds like the beginning to a horror film,” Andy groaned.

A few minutes later he was humming a different tune, “We’re here to conjure the spirit of Sylvia Plath… again.”
The indicator started to slink forward.
Andy, unsure of how to conduct, made a face, “Who’s here?” he asked.
“S,Y,L,V,I,A, P,L,A,T,H.”
“Well isn’t that nice. Sylvia, do you still have a question for Elna?”
“What is it?”
“A,M, I, A,M?”
A part of me was certain that Andy was putting me on, so when she asked this particular question, it startled me. Unbeknownst to Andy, I used to repeat a mantra to myself everyday: I am what I am.
“Are you asking me if I am who I say I am?”
“Yes,” I answered, “Why?”
“I, A,M, Y,O,U.”
“What does that mean?” I started to panic. “Do I have a mental illness?”
“R,E,L,A,X,” the ouija board finished.
“Is she being sarcastic?”
“No,” Andrew offered, “I think she means you need to relax into yourself.” He turned to face the ouija board, “Are you saying Elna needs to relax into herself?”
“Told you.”
“But what is it that I’m supposed to do?”
“Help? How? What am I going to be?”
“Nice?” I looked up at Andy, “That’s all? I’m going to be nice?”
“Do you have any other advice for Elna?” he asked.
“L,O,V,E,” as soon as she finished spelling this word, the indicator moved down to the, “GOODBYE.”
RELAX, HELP, NICE, LOVE. Sylvia, known for her intense metaphors and avid description, had become a little general in the afterlife.
Whether it was the real Sylvia Plath singling me out, or Andrew Sean Greer imparting ghostly wisdom, I keep a note card on the bulletin above my desk to remind me of this evening:
“R,E,L,A,X.”-Sylvia Plath


  1. Ms. Baker, you don't post very often, but when you do, it is well worth the wait. Thank you.

  2. YEAH!!! Hey, this was a wonderful new entry and gives some insight into your present world. I'm so glad you're back.

    The mantra to RELAX, be NICE, LOVE, and HELP are actually quite useful. Being nice and helpful might lead you into a life of resentment though so don't be too nice.

    So were you as intimidated by other writers by the end of the workshop?

  3. No, the other writers ended up being so warm and humble- it really was one of the best experiences of my life so far!

  4. Woah. Special words from Sylvia Plath just for you... pretty intense.

  5. Brian D. Porch, Jr.February 23, 2013 at 4:25 PM

    Ha. Great stuff. Last month I heard your story about visiting your parents in Siberia and was quite captivated. Today I listened to your story "saying 'no' is sometimes saying 'yes,'" which motivated me to pull my car over and look you up. I'm now a big fan and am contemplating StorySlam at The Bitter End. Please keep sharing.